The Lie of Faster Parenting: Why Doing It All Doesn’t Work.

It’s 6:45 p.m., and you’re in the car again. One kid has soccer, the other has dance. You’re balancing a drive-thru dinner bag on your lap, answering a text from work, and mentally ticking off tomorrow’s to-do list. By the time you get home, there are dishes in the sink, laundry still in the dryer, and homework waiting on the table. You sigh and start loading the dishwasher yourself—it’s just faster than asking the kids to do it.

And that’s the trap, isn’t it? Faster. Easier. Get it done and move on to the next thing.

We’ve been sold the idea that if we can just make life “efficient” enough, we’ll finally have time to breathe. But the reality? Many of us are more overscheduled, more tired, and more disconnected from our kids than ever.

The Illusion of Faster and Easier

In today’s connected world, it feels like there’s always another sign-up form, another group chat, another event. We join things with good intentions—maybe it’s a school fundraiser, a community sports league, or a parents’ night at church. But unless we know our friends or extended family will be there expecting us, the odds of actually showing up if our plate feels too full are slim.

Family dinner has quietly slipped off the calendar. Not because we don’t care, but because the schedule rarely lines up. One child eats at 4:30 before practice, another grabs a snack at 6:00, and the parents eat together later… maybe.

And in between? We’re hustling—doing the laundry, packing lunches, replying to that one last email as we hope for the unattainable “inbox zero”, and scrolling through notifications to throw out a few quick “Likes” and comments to  “stay connected” with friends and family.

So when it comes to involving kids in the everyday work of the home—things like folding clothes, setting the table, or sweeping the floor—we often don’t even ask, we just occupy them with a little screen time. Why not? Because it’s easier and faster to do it ourselves. We tell ourselves, I’ll teach them later, when I have more time. But later rarely comes.

The Cycle We Accidentally Create

• We do the chores ourselves because it’s faster.
  
• Kids get used to being served rather than contributing.
  
• When we do ask them to help, they whine, resist, or do it half-heartedly.
  
• We give up because it’s easier not to waste precious time fighting about it.

• They grow up: Kids eventually reach the age where we find ourselves saying, “You’re 10!  You should be able to do this by yourself!”

We wonder why our kids aren’t becoming more independent or responsible.

This isn’t about blame—it’s about recognizing a pattern that all of us fall into. The truth is, we’ve been conditioned to believe that “faster” and “easier” are always better.  We have been sold the lie of productivity:  More done in less time means more time for things we enjoy.  What it actually means is:  more time to add more to our plate.  But when it comes to raising humans, it takes time, presence, and consistency. Human development hasn’t changed with the speed of the internet or advancements in AI.  Our children still need us to have patience and persistence so they can build the foundations they need to be leaders and creators in the world of tomorrow. 

The Mindset Shift

What if prioritizing parenting actually gave us:

• Less stress (because kids can handle more themselves)
  
• More joy (because we have more shared moments)
  
• More connection (because we’re present together)
  
• More capable kids (because they’ve had room to grow)

It’s not about being perfect or doing everything yourself—it’s about building structure, accountability, and space for positive feedback.

Practical Ways to Shift the Pattern

Here are small, realistic steps you can start today:

1. Start with one shared task
   Choose one household job your child can own—like setting the table or feeding the pet. Keep expectations clear and praise the effort, not just the result.  Thank your child for the help and being a good family member.
   
2. Slow down one routine each week
   Pick one mealtime, bedtime, or morning rush to intentionally slow down. No screens, no multitasking—just be present.  Write down the small shifts you can make to set your family up for success.
   
3. Make family time non-negotiable
   Even 15 minutes counts. A quick card game, reading aloud, or walking the dog can create connection in small pockets of time.  Intentional small amounts of time naturally grow with consistency.
   
4. Resist the urge to “fix” their work
   If your child folds laundry messily, resist refolding it in front of them. Over time, they’ll improve—what matters most is their contribution. Not sure what is best?  Check out my Pinterest Board: Money and Chores
   
5. Say “yes” to fewer things
   It’s okay to skip events or decline extra commitments, or maybe just don’t sign up in the first place – most online classes and events come back around because they are someone else’s business or marketing strategy.  Protecting family time is worth it.
   
6. Celebrate progress out loud
   Notice and name when your child shows initiative, kindness, or acts of service. Teach gratitude for your contributions to the family by showing gratitude for your child’s contributions. Kids repeat what gets noticed.

Playing the Long Game

Parenting is not a speed sport—it’s more like planting a garden. The work you do now—teaching responsibility, creating shared moments, and modeling balance—pays off in seasons, not days.

Your kids may not thank you for asking them to do the dishes tonight. But years from now, they’ll remember the structure, the presence, and appreciate that you gave them life skills to be more independent and contribute to their family.

So here’s the challenge: take one thing off your “faster” list this week and replace it with something intentional. Maybe it’s dinner together, maybe it’s folding laundry as a team.

Because the truth is, the easy way isn’t always the best way. And when we choose connection over convenience, we stop just getting through the week—and start actually living it.

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* This blog was generated with AI support from the book content of Uniquely Human: Raising Leaders and Creators in an AI World and revised by the author.  Click here to be notified when the book becomes available. 

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